NaPoWriMo 2016 // Days 17-29

Week 1 // Week 2 // Week 3

Two more poems (since I haven’t written today’s yet) and it’s over, guys. I can’t believe the end has arrived. NaPoWriMo always blesses me immensely—sure, some days are really tough, and some poems are absolute flops, but overall, I always feel like I’ve accomplished something and proud of what I’ve created. It reminds me how much writing blesses me, how I need to do it more often just for myself.

One note: The waldeinsamkeit (look below for the word’s meaning) poems are a mini series. At first I was annoyed with myself for “messing up” the first one, since it had turned out to be the opposite of waldensamkeit but then I realized it could be cool if paired with a counterpoint poem that actually does live up to what waldensamkeit means. It was fun to look at a walk in the woods from two totally different perpsectives.

Waldeinsamkeit Reverse

day 25 // German noun meaning “the feeling of being alone in the woods” 

 

The ghosts of the trees follow my feet.

I sense them hovering over my shoulder,

But when I turn, they beat a fast retreat.

The air trembles, and I feel a shade colder.

 

Sunlight strains through snarled branches,

A maze of mist and blotted light cloak all.

Shadows swallow the ground in black avalanches;

I shudder and falter before this eerie pall.

 

A wind whispers impersonally past, a bird trills;

Their echoes linger and haunt my mind.

I spin around wildly, but the whole forest stills.

Heart thumps, sweat coats, eyes swim—blind.

 

I was a fool to think I’d have an hour of my own.

The wood is a world, and in it I’m never alone.

Waldeinsamkeit Fulfilled

day 26 

 

The presence of people pulses around me,

Cars screech, roads hum, shoes clack, phones buzz,

A cacophony of humanity that threatens to drown me,

This incessant boasting of all that man has and does.

 

I tear myself free, wing away, and fly to the forest.

Go as deep as you can, till cramps pierce like knives:

I run out of breath. World tilts as I halt to rest;

Like the air I gulp in, the sudden silence revives.

 

I straighten in the sunlight, in the utter still.

Wind caresses, shadows like lace litter the leaves,

And the trees, the trees stand in their solid frill,

Silent and sure as the world rejoices and grieves.

 

Close eyes and feel the crystal air. You are on your own.

Yes, that dream of solitude, it’s come true. You’re alone.

 

Love Alone is Worth the Fight

day 29 // Thinking about moving. Inspirations: Switchfoot’s “Love Alone is Worth the Fight” and this quote from Brandon Sanderson’s The Final Empire: “I think given the choice between loving Mare– betrayal included – and never knowing her, I’d choose love. I risked, and I lost, but the risk was still worth it.”

Faces like flashcards—

Do you remember this one?

Name the time you did such-and-such with so-and-so—

Dance before my eyes.

You’d think by now

I wouldn’t cry

From all these goodbyes.

But oh, I’m crying.

 

Crying for the friends

I thought I’d let go,

Crying for the folks

I didn’t even really know,

Crying for the church

I’m about to leave—

I’m not gone yet,

But I’ve begun to grieve.

 

Names like knives—

Piercing my soul,

Drawing blood with the blade of the bittersweet—

Flash through my mind.

You’d think by now

I would have made

A wall to hide behind.

But oh, I got so close.

 

Got so close to friends

I knew I’d have to farewell,

Got so close to strangers

I’d never know that well,

Got so close to this church

When I knew I wouldn’t stay—

Every time I arrive,

That’s what I always say:

 

You’re leaving soon,

You’ll be gone,

And the pain will pierce again.

Just forget it.

Don’t try.

Stop trying to make friends.

 

Why love when it’ll hurt?

Why say hello when you know

It’ll only end in goodbye?

Why let yourself be vulnerable?

Why open up your heart

When it’ll only close in a raw wound?

 

Why risk it?

 

‘cause what is a life

when the faces don’t kindle a flame,

when you aren’t moved by a certain name,

when you’re cold and isolated

in a prison you’ve created?

 

‘cause what is a life

without love, without friends who care,

without anyone who notices if you’re not there,

without a belonging place

or the comfort of a cherished face?

 

‘cause what is a life

where practicality is the measure

and lack of pain the treasure,

where you don’t take a chance

and don’t learn to dance?

 

I risked

I loved

I left

I was wounded

it was worth it

 

Again and again and again

it’ll happen;

I’ll walk in the door,

And think, what am I doing this for?

For a full life and for real love

For the beauty from the burn.

And I smile

And I say hello

With the goodbye already haunting

Again and again and again

I will let myself be hurt

‘Cause what’s a soul without scars?

What’s a body without a heart?

 

let’s risk it all