i am the darkness

Hi folks! As I work on healing from this tendonitis, I’m not going to be posting regularly. However, I’m not going to disappear entirely—hopefully I’ll be able to post something about once a week. Thanks as always for being such amazing readers. 

i am afraid of the darkness

the darkness inside

inside me

 

life whirls by,

the days hurled high,

and you try to swim

but you have no strength

so you sink

into the blur

and you drink

the elixir

of pleasure

 

(i’ll do anything to escape

escape the pain

the pain of me)

 

the potion soothes,

the pathway smooth,

and you keep on drinking

and you keep on drowning

so you sink

into the mire

and you think

you’re higher—

liar

 

and there in the pit

you’ve carved out for yourself

you taste the dirt in your mouth

and feel the pain you tried to flee

wrack every nerve in vicious glee

 

and there in the pit

you are forced to admit to yourself

that it’s dirty and it’s dark

and the pleasure betrayed

and that this whole hell is

 

me

 

i am the pain

i am the lie

i am the dirty

i am the dark

 

i am the darkness

 

what do you do when the war you were waging

against some far away foe

turns into a war you can’t wage because

it is against you, yourself

 

how can darkness drive out darkness?

 

what if you don’t even want to drive it out?

 

i am ice,

fatally numb

i am fire,

insatiably destructive

i am nothing,

vast emptiness

i am everything,

sickening gluttony

i am darkness

 

and in all my great strength—

strength to kill and to hate

obliterate

annihilate

strength to destroy all things,

myself most of all—

i cannot

reach

the

light

 

…

 

and the Light says:

now you are ready

and reaches out

to sear the darkness

with its infinite glory

 

and the darkness in all its strength

cannot stand before it

and the darkness is gone

but somehow you are still there

and now

 

now you are light

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For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. ~ Eph. 5:8