I Will Go (Remembering 9/11)

Even if, when this is all over, no one knows my name

Even if no one points to my picture in the paper and says, “here was a hero”

Even if the parades pass me by and the ash stains on my shirt are my only medal

Even so

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Even though, before I take one step, I am afraid

Even though the flames are the ghosts of my past failures reaching out to finally and forever drag me down

Even though the sweat on my skin is more real to me in this moment than the screams from the tower

Even so

`

Even if, for all our desperate tries, you die

Even if all the effort is a waste and we stand at the scene of a massacre, helpless

Even if every night after the stars are replaced by the screaming souls I could not save

Even so

`

I will go

I will try

I may live

I may die

But I will go

`

I will pick up my helmet––my first aid kit––my keys––whatever thin threads of my courage I can weave together into some kind shield to hang between me and the fire and the fear

To weave into a blanket, like when I was little and thought if I huddled behind one the bad guy could never get me

To weave into a banner, just a piece of cloth and yet it makes the men marching under it so much stronger

Is my courage strong enough? Will the thin threads hold?

Does it even matter?

`

Even so

I will go

`

Because there’s a fire inside me that is stronger than the one I face

Because hate can be fierce and hot and it can burn but there is a fury in love that can raze every forest of cruelty to the ground

Because in the end we’re all afraid every second of every day and that is no excuse

And so

`

Because what if every moment I have lived has led up to this one?

Because what if every choice I have made has prepared me for this one?

Because what if this is the point of me? What if I’m here on this planet to be here for you on this day?

And so

`

Because I have no idea who you are or how many of you there are but I know that you are a human being and that you matter

Because not trying is worse than failing

Because I’d rather be haunted by faces I couldn’t save than by ones I didn’t try to

And so

`

I will go

`

Remember when you feel the rain on your face and look up into a bright blue sky and bite into a freshly baked cookie and hug that person who makes you laugh and turn on music in your car and feel sorrow shoot its silver arrow into your soul—remember that you’re alive and that that’s a very good thing and it’s worth protecting. Remember that if you stop trying to help other people stay alive too, then you are already dead. Remember that there were two towers, not just one, and how we’ve got to stand together. Remember to act, so that each tomorrow find you further than today. So that you can die with no regrets. Remember. Then go. Fight the next fire, and the next, and the next, and don’t be afraid. The day is coming when they will all die out. Just make sure you were one of the ones who fought when you had the chance. 

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A post with pictures of a really cool place I visited this summer plus a mini life update is coming soon. =)